The Success and Struggle Behind “Is This Why I’m Still SIngle”

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I’ve had my blog “Is This Why I’m Still Single” for about a year and a half. It’s undergone tremendous change since I first started it back in September in 2013. It went from my own blog, to a collaborative blog and then back to my own blog. It experienced incredible growth within its first year and has now hit a slump as a result of content change. And by content change, I mean I’m writing less like BuzzFeed and more like “Thought Catalogue”, except way more grammatically incorrect. While I’m a little bummed that people aren’t reading as much these days, it’s nice to write about things I feel strongly about rather than writing articles like “10 Signs You’re A Virgo/15 Times Taylor Swift LITERALLY was perfect/Which Jihadist group are You Quiz”

About two and a half weeks ago the blog surpassed the 200,000 view mark. I’m not entirely sure why I’ve waited until now to say that. Perhaps it’s because I don’t feel as if I should gloat about something that isn’t all that impressive. It’s possible that 200,000 views is impressive, but given the recent decline of the blog, it doesn’t feel too impressive. The Facebook page for my blog has been hovering around 490 likes for over 6 months and I’m averaging less than 300 views per day. And the most irritating part? I don’t think that the content has become increasingly worse. The blog is not as active as it used to be for sure but it’s not as if it changed so much that a decline of that nature was warranted. And because of that I can’t help but feel frustrated. It’s disheartening to put effort into something and share it with the world, only for the world to really not give a shit about it.

Maybe I’m a bit bummed because I secretly think I’d be a big deal by now. I thought that I’d be averaging thousands of views per day and be the writer of a blog that everyone talks about. I thought I’d start making money off of this or at least get some offers. And you know what, I haven’t. Nothing has really changed. I’m sure some of readers are thinking, “If you’re doing it for the money or the fame, you’re not doing it for the right reasons” but like, what else do bloggers want besides those two things?

I don’t know where to go from here to be honest. Do I start pouring money into the blog and try to market myself? Do I accept that the blog is over and spend my free time doing something more valuable? Do I offer to give the HONY guy a hand job to  convince him to give my blog a recommendation? All important questions. But until then I have to remind myself that I have had some success. In the past year and a half, I’ve published (with the help of writers like Colleen, Jon, Taylor, Sam, Avery) 270 articles. Over 143,000 people have visited the site, with some of them being from places like Australia, Sweden, Brazil and the United Kingdom. Even one person from Micronesia visited the blog, and to be honest I have literally NO idea where that is. I have to remind myself that good things have come from this experience. I’ve learned how to market myself, I’ve picked up on trends and I’ve realized that sometimes my opinions aren’t always the most correct. Most importantly, I’ve learned that I have so much to write and say and that the joy I get from doing these things is something I can’t ever let go of. Maybe I won’t be a professional blogger or be as widely hated as Perez Hilton, but I will at least try to pursue my passion. And if it doesn’t work out? I’ll just marry a really old gay man and pray that God will take him from me and leave me with a vast fortune that I can spend on penny candy that I can throw at people less fortunate than I.

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7 Things Dumb Men Do That Make State Sponsored Vasectomies Sound Like A Good Idea

1.) Give one word responses to everything

Dear men, if you don’t want to talk to us then just tell us! But for the love of Christ do not go out of your way to message me and then respond to everything I have to say with “Hah” or “Okay” It’s not like I asked you to write me a sonnet or a novel about your life. I just asked how your day was you, fuck head.

2.) Make everything about sex.

I get that men are horny and that they can’t go more than 5 minutes without thinking about putting their P somewhere but please men have some fucking tact. If you say “Hey” and I respond by saying “Hey back” it’s not an invitation for you to send me a picture of your weiner. If you want to get laid you’re going to have to do it the old fashioned way- by buying me dinner and telling me I’m pretty.

3.)  Use “pretty” as a modifier

If you tell someone that they are “pretty cute” you’re basically insulting them, you know that, right? It’s basically saying “you’re pretty, but….” Don’t expect anyone to sleep with you if you essentially tell them that you think they’re too mediocre to actually like, but not ugly enough to pass up for sex.

4.) Wear clothes that don’t fit.

If women walked around wearing nothing but XXXXXL sweatshirts and jeans seven sizes too big we would crucify them. So why do men constantly dress like they are the victim of a shrink ray incident? I mean do men really want to dress like Eminem in 8 Mile?

5.) Entertain stupid people

FYI this article was written by a gay male so I’m not a self loathing woman or anything of that nature. With that being said, I can’t stand it when gays/girls purposely act stupid to get attention from guys…what I hate more is when guys give into it! People shouldn’t feel compelled to act like morons or classless fucks and guys should be mature enough to see through the act and not entertain it. We really don’t need any more dumb people in the world.

6.) Make fun of others to assert their own dominance.

Dear men, just because you see a confident guy walking down the street does not mean you should try to tear him down to make yourself feel better. Just because you feel uncomfortable with embracing your feminine side or facing up to your own insecurities doesn’t mean you have the right to be an asshole to everyone else.

7.) Listen/Support Country music

I really just think all straight people should apologize for this one.

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How Love Has Changed Me

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how love has changed for me. I look back on the way I felt about people and past relationships and think about how much I have learned and grown. The way I saw love in high school for example, is entirely different than the way I do now. I loved blindly. The main difference I’ve been trying to wrap my head around is the connection between loving with your head and your heart. When I first felt love, it was entirely with my heart. It was based solely on a connection. It is kind of endearing to look back on in a way. Loving without reservations. This isn’t to say I don’t get those feelings anymore and don’t find them important. I think it’s okay that the first loves that enter our life are sometimes built on just that simple connection. Because when it ends, we learn something about ourselves and are that much closer to discovering what kind of love fits into our lives.

The way that love has changed for me is that I love with my head and my heart now.  Saying this might make it sound like I love strategically, and don’t follow my heart. That isn’t at all what I mean. I’ve found that my head and my heart have finally decided to think in sync and it’s great. Take deal breakers for instance. I think this is the easiest way to get this point across. If you know that there is something you need in a relationship, and that person can’t provide it I think there is a little spark set off in both your head and your heart.

I also like to think of people I liked in high school that never really worked out. If those same people walked into my life today, would I still go for it? Would I still like them? For some, yes. For others, absolutely not. It seems so stupid to me the way I used to love, without hesitation. But when I think about it, it was important. When my first serious relationship ended, I was devastated. It took me a long time to get over as many of them do. As I moved from grieving about the relationship to accepting what happened, I started to see not only why it ended but why it was necessary it ended. There were so many inconsistencies existing in our relationship that would never have fixed. I was naive. I thought that loving someone was enough. The truth is, loving someone isn’t enough. Not if these inconsistencies exist. But I never would have really learned this if I hadn’t loved him.

And that has changed love for me. I know I need someone who is excited about life. I need someone with a sense of humor. I need someone who doesn’t judge me for being obsessed with The Bachelor series. My brain and my heart have realized this. This has made love so much better for me. I wouldn’t necessarily say I have a “type” now but I know more of what qualities I need in a relationship. That initial connection is still important but knowing what I want and need has made love so much more special to me. It feels healthier and more natural. This might seem like such an obvious concept but it took trial and error for me to see it. It took falling in love with someone blindly in order for me to fall with my eyes wide open. And it’s made love that much more exciting.

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Why You Shouldn’t Apologize for Being Single This Valentine’s Day

As some of you may painfully be aware of, Valentine’s Day is on Saturday.  For one reason or another, this holiday is a big deal. Couples are expected to extravagant things to celebrate their relationship and those who are single are almost required to grumble about the stupidity of it all. No matter what your relationship status is people expect you to feel strongly one way or another. To an extent I understand the people who bitch about the holiday; it’s fun to hate things. But what I don’t understand is when people make a point of wallowing in self-pity or feel compelled to make themselves feel crummy about being single.

People shouldn’t apologize for being single nor should they feel that something is wrong with them for being it. You shouldn’t feel as if you need to hole up in your apartment on Saturday or tweet about how you’re crying and eating Ben and Jerry’s. While being in a relationship can be great, we shouldn’t aspire to be in one or feel empty when we aren’t. If you feel that something is missing from your life, examine it from within first. It may be your feelings are triggered by self-doubt or by low self-esteem and it’s possible that a relationship could only distract you from dealing with any of those kinds of issues. The best relationships, as far as I’ve seen, are the ones where the two people bring out the best in each other. They’re partners in crime who push each other to be better and support each other when things get rough. But more importantly, they are two people who can stand independently but choose to be interdependent. They aren’t looking for an emotional crutch or seeking companionship because they are terrified of being alone.

People hardly ever believe me when I say that I’m happy with being single. They assume it’s some defense mechanism or that I’m lying to cover up any shame. And while I do miss having sex (regularly), I don’t think I’m missing anything by not having a boyfriend. Being single means I have the clarity to make important life decisions on my own. If I want to go to California after I graduate, I can do that without worrying about my boyfriend or what it’ll do to our relationship. And more importantly, I won’t have some excuse to get out of doing something big. I won’t be able to say “my boyfriend is here, so I’ll stay here” just because I’m afraid of exploring the world and falling flat on my face.

Finding someone to be in a relationship with is a time and place type of scenario, although you do have some say in how often you’re in that continuum. I’m not looking for a relationship because my life is too uncertain. I’m graduating in December; I don’t want to begin a relationship knowing that I could be leaving Boston soon. I don’t want to start something that I can’t commit to. I’m not looking for a relationship because I just don’t have anything to share right now. I don’t have free time nor do I have the emotional resources necessary to sustain a relationship.

But if you are someone who wants to be in a relationship, know that you have to be proactive. Don’t sit on your couch and complain about how everyone sucks. Go out to a bar, start a new activity, or get on a dating app. You can’t complain if you don’t try. But if you’re like me, don’t apologize for being single or think that something is wrong with you. Remind yourself that you’re intelligent to know what will and will not work in your life at this moment. Remind yourself that you’re kind enough to not toy with people’s emotions by engaging in a half assed relationship. Remind yourself that you’re strong because you can stand on your own, even though having a crutch would be so much easier. And remind yourself that if you’re single, you don’t have to share your pizza with anyone else.

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10 Thoughts We Have About The 2015 Snowpocalypse

1. What r school? How do u academic?

2.  You know, I used to find Jack Nicholson’s character in the “Shining” difficult to relate to, but….

3. The only way I can walk down the street without breaking my neck is by pretending I’m Kristi Yamaguchi and  faux skating down it.

4. What am I going to do when I run out of Annie’s Mac and Cheese and wine?

5. I haven’t showered for 2.5 days and for some reason I’m okay with that.

6. Are there any pizza places that will deliver directly to my mouth? And no I don’t mean that in a penis-y way….wait, do I?

7. Already cringing thinking about all the people who will say “if global warming really existed then why did we just have a massive snow storm?”

8. This weather isn’t even that bad….I mean sure you shouldn’t be driving in it, but I can walk to the nearest bar, get shit faced, and still make it back home without ending up a frozen hoe-sicle.

9. AM I GOING TO HAVE TO MAKE UP CLASS FOR THESE FUCKING SNOW DAYS?

10. Is this what people who have had this many snow days are actually thinking? I wouldn’t know I have a job so I don’t get days off….LOL DYING ON THE INSIDE.

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2015 Grammy’s Fashion Recap

1. Madonna

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Madonna is a lot like Old Yeller in the sense that someone REALLY needs to bring her out back and shoot her in the head. She looks like a geriatric pirate hooker in this photo and I hate everything about it and her.

Ariana Grande

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Several things about Ariana Grande. For starters, why does she always look like she just smelled a fart? Also, it looks like she stole an old gay man’s sash and stapled it to her dress and wore it to the Grammy’s. Ugh insufferable.

Sia

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I should hate everything about this. I mean they look like lamp shades/old English sheep dogs/eccentric Victorian lesbians. But somehow it all works and at least they’re interesting.

Kat Graham

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Kat, it’s really brave of you to still go to the Grammy’s after your dress got caught in a paper shredder.

Kelly Osborne

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So I’m guessing Kelly just picked up the shreds of Kat’s dress and glued them to her own?

Charli XCX

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Charli, you’re clearly not “Fancy” if you think going out looking like a poor man’s Janis Ian is okay.

Frankie Grande

YOU ARE LITERALLY THE MOST VILE HUMANOID HELL CREATURE EVER SPAWNED!

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Annie Lennox

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SLAY MAMA

Taylor Swift

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I actually don’t hate this? I love this? I’m having a blank space.

Paris Hilton

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The REAL star of the Grammy’s tbh.

Iggy Azalea

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This is v Edelweiss.

Kim Kardashian

Why are you wearing an S&M bathrobe? Also, are you a Komodo dragon or not? Inquiring minds want to know!

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Beyonce

Queen Bey kind of phoned it in with this look. But then again, it’s Beyonce- she could literally wear feces to the Grammy’s and she’d still kill it.

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Gina Rodriguez

I love her. Even if it does look like she’s wearing a fancy towel.

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Rihanna

That looks like the loofah I use to wash my ass with! Don’t take my things, Ri-Ri.

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Ciara

That looks like the loofah I USED to wash my ass with!

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The Lack of Diversity In “Hollywood”, or “Why White People Need To Get Over Themselves”

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Last night while I was eating some lovely chocolate eclairs, I stumbled upon a BuzzFeed article highlighting the lack of diversity in this year’s “Vanity Fair” Hollywood issue. Out of the ten people featured on the cover, only two of them were people of color, and out of those two both were men. To compare, last year’s cover featured six Hollywood actors of color, one of them being the incomparable Lupita Nyong’o.

The moment I read the title of the article I knew that the comment section would be a mess. For the most part it was white people screaming “OMG THEY’RE RACIST FOR THINKING WE’RE RACIST” although there were some comments by people of color who criticized BuzzFeed for making an issue of the cover. The logic behind some of the comments was that there weren’t many people of color on the cover because they just didn’t stand out this year and that essentially white people  really slayed this year.

It is important to note that the “Vanity Fair” Hollywood cover featuring the most diversity was also the lowest selling one in the past five years. So it’s very possible that “Vanity Fair” deliberately decided to highlight more white people because they assumed that it would boost sales. What really bugs me is the idea that white people just happened to contribute more to Hollywood this year. It’s as if people believe that people of color just chose to take a backseat and not take any good movie roles this year. The reality is that Hollywood is an industry dominated by white people, so obviously white people get better roles than people of color. And what bothers me is how butt hurt some white people get whenever someone brings up the fact that blacks aren’t given equal representation. It is laughable to think Hollywood is an industry based solely on talent. I mean if that was the case why was Katie Holmes ever cast in anything?! The type of movies that are made are a direct reflection our own society and the things that value and it seems that we still value the opinion of white people more than other groups.

There’s a lot of factors at play in this type of issue. White people generally make more money than any other group and have more disposable income as a result. They can afford to see Transformers 4 seven times and they dictate what succeeds and what flops. And unfortunately, there is a disconnect with some white people when it comes to movies with people of color. For some reason or another, they cannot or choose not to identify with the cast or characters and do not go out to see it. Unless that movie is “The Help” or
The Butler”, or as I like to call it “Valentines Day- but with more black people”.

I’m a firm believer in showing your true colors. If you don’t like people of color or think you’re better than someone because of your skin tone, just say it! But don’t stand there in the corner and play the victim and scream “reverse racism”, which doesn’t exist! We all know white people have been given more opportunities Hollywood. As a white person, I don’t have to struggle to find a cast of people who look like me, and when I do find movies like that they generally don’t have a plot that revolves around being Caucasian. I’m not asking white people to feel bad for being represented in movies. “Wild” with Reese Witherspoon was great!

I’m just asking that people really take a second before posting such comments to see why they’re so compelled to complain. Maybe you’ll find that your anger is triggered less by the post and more by your unconscious need to protect your own privilege. But anyways this has been a long rant, so I’ll bring it to an end. In conclusion, let’s cast Viola Davis in more roles and give her all of the Oscars in the world. Lord knows she deserves it.

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