Tag Archives: Mean Girls

5 Things That Are Cool In High School But Lame In College

1. Sitting at the popular table

In high school you can tell how popular someone is by where they sit in the cafeteria. Nerds sit at one table, theater kids at the other and usually the most popular students AKA the athletes sit in the center. People are expected to sit at their respective table and not shake up the status quo. But in college, you just sit at whatever table is open and not completely covered in trash.

2.  Being a cheerleader

High school movies always depicted cheerleaders as the most popular girls in school and the object of lust for every high school boy. In college, however, no one really gives a fuck about cheerleaders. With the wide array of athletic activities  and dance clubs available on campus, cheerleading just ends up like looking like a lame activity.

3.  Going to THAT party.

lf you’re underage and living at home your chances of getting alcohol are far and few in between. The most popular kids are the ones who manage to pull off successful parties where teens can get drunk off of 2 shots of Rubi and hook up with fugly people without feeling bad. In college, there are plenty of parties you can do this at and unless you’re a social pariah chances are you’ll never not have one to go to.


 

4. Driving

Having access to a car in high school is essential to having a real social life. I mean what is more embarrassing than going to a party only to be picked up at 9:30 by your mom. In college though cars are more of an inconvenience than anything else. For starters, parking passes are extremely expensive and if you go to a school in the city the access to public transportation makes having a car almost irrelevant.

 

5. Being in a relationship

Most high schoolers express interest in dating and having a significant other. Hook up culture isn’t that prevalent mostly because it’s difficult for you to “hit and quit” someone you see every day in Algebra. In college people love flings and low level commitment type hook ups. Dating is almost even taboo.

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You CAN sit with us: The Ultimate Guide to Becoming a Plastic

Unless you are a martian or a home-schooled jungle freak, I can assume that you have seen Mean Girls and have realized it’s the greatest thing to happen to mankind since Diet Coke. The first thing I do when I meet someone is slip a Mean Girls quote into conversation to see if he or she is worthy of my time. If they do not immediately get the reference, I know they are not a person worth knowing and that I should avoid them like I avoid the bathroom of an MIT frat house.

Mean Girls is the one pop culture phenomena that every teenager is expected to know. If you are unfamiliar with the film, then to put it frankly: YOU CAN’T SIT WITH US. Mean Girls has taught us many valuable life lessons like: always assume that your friend is talking about you behind your back and you can’t just ask people why they are white. And now that 10 years has passed since we first tried to make “fetch happen” we need to acknowledge that things have changed…

Paula Deen has been diagnosed with diabetes (Fun Fact Paula: BUTTER IS A CARB). We’ve had our first black President (he’s not from Michigan). And the formerly “grool” Lindsay Lohan has committed social suicide roughly 45 times (and that’s not counting the hot mess that is “Liz and Dick”). With this time lapse, some people have stopped quoting the movie because they no longer think it is fetch. Well, you know what I say to those people? BOO YOU WHORES. If anything, Mean Girls is more relevant than ever. With the creation of hilarious YouTube series like, “The Most Popular Girls In School” and the perfectly betchy website, “Betches Love This”, we have great examples of why Mean Girls is, and will always be, relevant: a pretty girl with a betchy sense of humor will always be someone worth worshiping.

Rant aside, I’ve devised a list of Mean Girls quotes that you can use in everyday conversation so that we can keep the film alive and look back to a time when Lindsay was a pretty ginger and not a rotting corpse that borrows money from Charlie Sheen. If you use these quotes correctly, perhaps you too can be as flawless as Regina George (we all know that’s impossible so maybe you should just go out and buy some army pants and flip flops instead.)

“Get in loser, we’re going shopping”

This quote can be used every day in an array of different situations. It can be used when you pick up your friends from school or when you’re actually planning on going to the mall. Any observers who see you use this quote will appreciate your reference and most likely want to be your friend.

“Hell no, I did not leave the South Side For This”

We’ve all been in a situation where we’d rather watch “Secret Life Of The American Teenager” on loop than be where we currently are. So whether you are being squished on the T between two men who clearly don’t understand the concept of deodorant, or are being kept awake by the sounds of your roommate having sex – yell this quote to get people to realize you’re not going to tolerate bullshit.

“That was one time!”

Use this quote whenever someone accuses you of doing something gross or brings up an embarrassing old story. It says, “I don’t really appreciate you embarrassing me in public, but I’ll pretend to go along with the joke so people don’t think I’m too uptight. But in reality, I am about a second away from bitch slapping you.”

“I CAN’T GO TO TACO BELL, I’M ON AN ALL-CARB DIET.”

This is perfect for any time your friend says something entirely stupid or dumb that gets on your nerves. Note: you do not actually have to go to Taco Bell to use this quote, it’s the thought that counts.

“Danny Devito! I love your work!!”   

This is for those situations when strangers give you unnecessary sass or are blatantly rude to you. It says, “I don’t give a shit what you think about me, you’re just jealous of me because I’m pretty and you look like a Hobbit.”

“She doesn’t even go here!”

Use this quote for any situation in which someone who is irrelevant to your life is doing something annoying or obscene. It’s perfect for situations when an annoying person tries to butt into your conversation or act like they run the show.

“Four For You Glen Coco! You Go Glen Coco!”

Comparing someone to the one and only Glen Coco is the highest form of flattery. Use this quote sparingly though and reserve it for situations in which you really feel the need to congratulate your friend for doing something impressive. Or else I’ll push you in front of a bus.

Now, if you’re a die hard Mean Girls fan, you can be a little bit more ambitious and learn Regina’s monologue, which I have entitled, “And Now She’s On Crack: The Janis Ian story and how I couldn’t invite her to my pool party because there were going to be girls there, in their bathing suits, and she was a lesbian”. If that’s too hard, there’s always Gretchen’s “Stab Caesar” monologue.

In conclusion, betches of the world, it is our duty to keep Mean Girls’ legacy alive and quote it as much as we can. By quoting the movie, we can do something essential to our survival as popular beings: weed out all the ugly, unfunny and culturally misinformed people that plague our everyday lives. Just remember: if you choose to ignore my advice and bash the legacy of Mean Girls, you will get chlamydia…… and die.

As originally seen on Her Campus Northeastern: http://www.hercampus.com/school/northeastern/how-become-teen-royalty-plastics-edition

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The 10 Most Annoying Things Girls Do

As Told By A Gay Best Friend

1. Act like they’re not upset with you when it’s blatantly obvious that they want to beat you to death with a shovel.

If you have a female friend, you’ve had to deal with the “I’m Fine” and dreaded “K” texts that result from them being pissed at you. For some reason, girls don’t like to tell you when they’re mad at you. Instead, they like making you as uncomfortable as possible as you attempt to figure out what it is that you did to make them so angry at you. I’M YOUR FRIEND JUST BE STRAIGHT UP WITH ME!

 

2. Ask you for your advice and then completely disregard it.

After years of being around girls, I’ve learned that when a girl asks for your opinion what they’re really asking is that you just validate all of their feelings. Girls don’t want you to tell them what you actually think, they want you to tell them that boys suck and that they’re beautiful. Listen betch, don’t ask for my advice if you’re not planning on actually listening to it. I’ll bring my Cosmo level sex advice somewhere else. And if you ask for my opinion, don’t get at mad me when I tell you what you don’t want to hear.

3. Complain about their appearance but do nothing about it.

Girls love to complain about their appearance. They’re either too fat, too skinny, too blonde or too tall. And I’m just standing there like, “I have really bad breath in the morning”. If you don’t like the way you look, do something about it. It’s annoying to have to tell you that you’re “so skinny” every time you complain about how fat you think you are. Don’t fish for compliments and if you can’t change it, don’t complain about it.

4. Make boys their main priority

We all want our friends to be happy, but there’s nothing more annoying than a girl in a relationship. Every time a friend of mine has a boyfriend, she drops off the face of the earth. She makes her whole life all about him and blows off all of her plans so she can spend the night in with him and fuck while watching Antique Roadshow (because that’s what straight couples do right?)

5. Expect you to drop everything when they break up with the previously mentioned boyfriend.

When a girl breaks up her boyfriend, she expects you to be at her side 24/7 to console her. Girl, you’ve been blowing me off for 3 months, what makes you think you can just ask me to drop everything and come over to hear you complain about your problems?  Granted I probably will because I love you, but that’s RUDE. Girls are so exhausting post break up. All they do is talk about how their life is over and how their ex is the anti-Christ. Yo bitch, you dated Kyle for three weeks, I think you’re going to be okay.

6. Complain about how all  the good guys are gay.

Do girls not know how annoying they sound when they say this to their single gay friends? Whether or not a guy sucks is not dependent on his sexual orientation. There are just as many sucky gay guys as there are sucky straight ones. And whenever you say that all of the good guys are gay, it’s like you’re rubbing in the fact that I’m single as fuck. Girl, if all gay guys were great, wouldn’t I be dating one? Also, you just have terrible taste in men.

 

7. TALK NONSTOP

As a gay best friend, I’m used to listening to my friends talk about their life and their problems and for the most part I enjoy it. It’s nice being able to be there for someone. But at the same time, SHUT UP. Not everything revolves around you and your first world problems and don’t take advantage of the fact that I’m willing to listen to you. Friendship is a two way street, so shut the fuck up for 5 seconds and listen to me complain about the last episode of Pretty Little Liars.

8. Menstruate

I know that menstruation is a part of life, but why you gotta be so mean during it? Being on your period doesn’t give you the right to lash out on people and eat all of the snacks in their house. THOSE ARE MY OREOS BITCH, PUT THEM BACK!

9. Pretend to be dumber than they actually are.

For whatever reason some girls pretend to be dumb because they think it’ll make people like them more. If you’re smart, embrace it. Only guys with tiny penises like dumb girls.

 

10. Pretend that they like people they actually hate.

If you don’t like someone, be upfront about it. Don’t badmouth them and then pretend like you’re BFFs 5 minutes later. Why girls gotta hate on each other so much? JUST BE NICE, GODDAMMIT.

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10 Signs You’re Gretchen Wieners

1. You understand  the importance of social rules and norms and become easily upset when people don’t adhere to them.

2. People feel the need to confide in you and tell you all of their secrets- even though it’s common knowledge that you’re a huge blabber mouth.

3. You’re always there for you friends- even when they’re acting like a mega bitch.

 

4. You don’t really think about how your words can affect other people- which can get you into some sticky situations.

5. You’re aware that you’re more privileged than others and take advantages of the opportunities you’ve been offered in life.

6. You’re not a leader and you would rather  be a part of the group than stand out on your own.

7. You know firsthand the horrors of getting diarrhea in public.

8. You are up to date on all of the cool lingo and slang.

9. You’re extremely in touch with your emotions and find it difficult to hide how you feel about things.

10. Your hairline is so weird.

If you identify with more than 6 of these things, then you’re a Gretchen Wieners. Congratulations, now go eat some Toaster Strudels and celebrate!

 

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