The Stages of Being Hangry

So you’re pretty hungry.

And for whatever reason, there’s no food around.

At first, you’re civil about it.

You figure that there has to be something in the house for you to eat. So you go through every cabinet and the fridge to find something to snack upon.

And you find some yogurt to eat… I mean, it’s not your first choice, but at this point you’ll eat anything.

And as you are about to take your first bite, you realize the yogurt is expired.

So now you are starting to get a little bit upset.

Your blood sugar has begun to drop and you’re no longer the happy person you once were 15 minutes before.

You start getting snippy with everyone around you.

And anytime someone suggests you go grocery shopping or go out to eat, you feel the sudden urge to kill them.

Because when you’re hungry you’re kind of a bitch.

But you try your best to remain calm.

Unfortunately, this is just the calm before the storm. You know that you’re about to enter the hangry phase- so you tell your friends and family to get to the nearest storm shelter so that they will be spared your hurricane of hanger.

Because you’ve finally hit the point where you’re no longer rational. So instead of solving the situation like an adult, you throw a temper tantrum and start rolling around on the floor.

You begin destroying everything in your house as you go on your hangry rampage.

And show everyone just how evil and uncontrollable you can be when food deprived.

 

As you quickly lose all mental control and give into the beast, you beg your friends and family to intervene.

And your friends and family, for their own sanity,  leave you to your rage and attempt to find you food so that they can restore balance to the world.

 

With every passing minute, you feel yourself slowly slipping away into death by hanger.

You think about all of the things you never got to do and all of the words you never had the chance to say and realize that life is pointless.

And then your friends and family return with a big bag of takeout.

You start to feel your strength return.

You pull yourself from your depression and make your way to the kitchen where you proceed to eat everything in sight.

And you apologize to your friends and family for all of the things you said and did while in your state of hanger.

And everything is right in the world again….Until next time.

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