10 Annoying Things People Do On Facebook

1.) Seriously share articles that are clearly satirical or blatantly untrue.

I’m not a doctor or anything pero like you sharing a picture isn’t going to save some child’s life.

2.) Comment on someone else’s wall post

Newsflash bitches, if my friend writes on my wall it means he was trying to talk to ME! If you didn’t receive an evite to this conversation please see yourself out.

3.) Not wish me a Happy Birthday on my wall.

If you’re online and we’re friends then you are socially obligated to wish me a “Happy Birthday”. If you don’t just know that I will actually begin to plot your death.

4.) Invite everyone to your Facebook events.

Okay, so here’s the deal- if we’re not friends then please DO NOT invite me to your birthday party/college event/bar mitzvah of your cousin. Chances are you don’t actually need to invite all 900 of your Facebook friends and if we haven’t spoken or seen each other in three years than chances are I don’t want to go to your party anyways.

5.) Using hashtags in a non-ironic way

People who use hashtags on Facebook are the reason why I support euthanasia.

6.) Update us on every insignificant life event

Facebook statuses are only justifiable for a few things: telling a funny joke or really interesting story, sharing exciting news or looking for suggestions. DO NOT tell us every little thing that goes on with your life. Also, if you make more than 3 statuses per day please realize that you’re annoying. And like even more annoying than I am.

7.) Tagging people in statuses or doing weird chain mail.

I REALLY don’t give a shit what you’re grateful for or who you think should play Elphaba in Wicked…but I will still most likely read it anyways.

8.) Make overly positive statuses

This may sound like the rantings of a bitter person, but being positive 24/7 is ANNOYING! Good for you that you’re happy but please stop making your life seem like it’s perfect. Congratulations your life is better than everyone else’s, go shave your back now.

9.) Sharing photos on both Instagram and Facebook

Isn’t this like overkill? I mean are your pictures really so great that you need to share them twice? Like maybe that slice of pizza was really delicious but please sit down.

10. Facebook messenger

So this isn’t technically someone people do….I just wanted a public forum to say that Facebook messenger is the fucking worst and that Mark Zuckerberg is a life ruiner.

 

 

 

 

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Pretty Little Liars Summer Finale: Mona’s Demise

If there’s anything I’ve learned from binge-watching Top Chef (stay with me here) its that the people/characters who receive more screen time are the ones most likely to get the axe. Its pretty intelligent if you think about it. Producers want the viewers to relate to the character so that they’ll be emotionally invested in their departure. If the person/character gets little screen time it most likely means that they’ll be sticking around until the producers deem it fit to reveal their backstory and connect them with the audience.

To be fair, Mona has always played a big role on Pretty Little Liars. Heck, she was the original “A”. But it’s also fair to say that she’s been on-and-off again on the series, important but not so important to be featured in every episode.

 

If there’s anything I’ve learned from television (specifically reality tv) its that producers love to give more screen time to those who are about to get the axe. It’s understandable. They need to get viewers to relate to the character or person enough that their departure is in someway sad or distressing. And those that don’t get ample screen time stick around- with the knowledge that their character will be further revealed as the series or competition progresses.

While Mona played a central role on Pretty Little Liars, it was obvious from the start of the episode that she would be the Liar biting the bullet. Not only did they give her double her usual screen time, but they introduced her mother at an extremely random and convenient time. So when 90% of the summer finale focused on Mona, I knew she was the one who was going to die. Although I do have to admit the promo of Hanna crying over the unspecified murder did plant this notion into my head. But come on- they introduced her mother for crying out loud! They pulled a Top Chef- they made us empathize with the character, gave her more screen time than the others and then axed her to stir up emotions.

Pretty Little Liars is in its 5th season. Viewers and critics alike love to comment on how little the show has actually revealed and how its managed to sustain itself without really giving the viewers any solid answers. Its fortunate for PLL, however, that viewers are willing to spend an eternity to find out who “A” is and that the show’s premise is stable enough to warrant a 6th and 7th season which have been ordered ( I can’t say the same about the sinking ship that is Revenge)

The show has come up with a rather brilliant way of holding its viewers captive: explosive finales. Every season finale has resulted in Twitter meltdowns with viewers chiming in at the insane plot reveals and plot holes. In fact, these finales are so well constructed that they make watching the whole season worth it. So with this finale, it became clear that the producers needed to do something outrageous. And what’s more outrageous than killing off an important character.

Mona was killed off because she was likable but not so likable that fans would riot if she died. To be blunt, she was no Ezra or Caleb. I mean I’m sure people are wishing Paige or Melissa had taken her place, but no one is too upset that she was the one to go.  Mona was also killed off because she was becoming a problem for the producers. The show already has one brain (Spencer) so keeping two around would speed up the timeline of the show immensely. Viewers would expect two people as brilliant as Spencer and Mona to be able to figure out the “A” mystery. And Mona knew too much for her own good- she had to die so the show could survive.

Seeing Mona’s dead body in the car, I was both relieved and disappointed. I was relieved that the her death was concrete enough that she wouldn’t have some Ali type return but I was disappointed to know that this is truly the end of the road for our brilliant mastermind. She may have been annoying and dressed way too professionally for high school, but she was smart, sassy and pretty which are all things I value immensely.

So here’s to you Mona. RIP bitch.

 

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24 Thoughts About the VMAS

1.) Did someone hold the cast of Orange is the New Black and force them to come to this travesty of an event?

2.) What the FUCK is a  Riff Raff?

3.) Dark Horse won best Female video because………….Egyptian appropriation?

4.) Why does Ariana Grande sound like she’s gargling mouth wash when she sings?

5.) “Bang Bang” is a hot mess.

6.) SHOW US YOUR TITTIES, NICKI!

7.) There are a lot of boring white women performing tonight (looking at you T-Swift)

8.) LOL Lorde won the VMA for Best Rock Video

9.) This show is literally 15 hours long.

10.) Sam Smith is so good at being sad and gay.

11.) Does Usher still come out with new music? Does Maroon 5 still deserve to exist?

12.) I’m confused about this whole Miley Cyrus homeless thing…. but yay for awareness?

13.) 5 Seconds of Summer will only have about 5 seconds of relevancy.

14.) Didn’t Chris Brown get shot at…like yesterday?

15.) Black Widow is a shitty song. That is a fact.

16.) Remember when you fell off the stage, Iggy Azalea?

17.) FINALLY QUEEN BEY HAS ARRIVED!

When she reaffirmed she takes no shit for anyone.

18.) Why wasn’t the VMAs just a Beyonce concert?

When she gave the world the "My Body Is Ready" reaction GIF they didn't know they needed.

19.) Are those Asian women in white face behind her?

Even this person is like, "Please, Beysus, whisper your Holy ways into my pale ears."

20.) FEMINISM

And of course, when she threw the gauntlet down. Shots fired y'all!

21.) It’s Beyonce’s world.. we’re all just living in it.

The Internet Just Died During The Beyonc� Performance At The VMAs

22.) Blue Ivy is so cute! Nothing like that hobbit North!

23.) Yaaaaaaaaaaas Carter family!

And let's just say, those rumors were finally addressed...

24.) Thank God this fucking show is over.

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Star Wars Jedi: In Order of Hotness

*DISCLAIMER: This article does not include female Jedi because I am a homosexual and they are all far too fabulous to be able to rank (looking at you Shaak Ti). Also this list DOES include Sith because Darth Maul gives me life.

14.) Plo Koon

I’m sure that Plo Koon is a lovely gent but that doesn’t change the fact that he looks like what every gay man imagines a vagina to be. He looks like a wide range of terrifying things- the facehugger from Alien, a brain, a giant beetle, and an uncooked Christmas turkey. I’ll be seeing you in my sexual nightmares, Plo!

13.) Kit Fisto

Some people might think Kit Fisto is cute. I, on the other hand, think he looks like something straight from the depths of hell. I mean what kind of bottom of the sea dwelling, Whoopi Goldberg hair stealing, Elphaba wannabe is Kit? He also looks just like the mask from the episode of Goosebumps with Carlybeth and I am just not having that.

12.) Ki Adi Mundi

Ki gets bonus points for having an on-point eyebrow game, but beyond that he doesn’t really have much going for him. He looks kind of human but he also kind of looks like the sole of a foot meets those Conehead bitches. Also, if you watch the movies he was kind of douche-waffle- so yeah, NEXT.

11.) Eeth Koth

Eeth looks like a guy who had a run in with a nasty ass STI. At first glance he looks kind of human but then after a double take you’re like WTF IS GROWING FROM YOUR HEAD! I guess he has pretty eyes though?

10.) Agen Kolar

Agen is literally Eeth’s clone but with a chiseled jaw and a magnificent butt chin. Fix your hair though, bitch!

9.) Emperor Palpatine

Emperor Palpatine looks good for his age- I mean he is like two thousand years old, right? Evil sith lord aside he’s just not a looker. I know his hideous face is the result of severe electrocution but you’d think they’d have better plastic surgeons on Coruscant. He looks exactly like dried out Play Doh and that is NOT a compliment.

8.) Luke Skywalker

Luke is the chosen one… so it’s unfortunate that he is kind of “meh” in the looks department. He serves Supercuts realness and his whole persona screams “I’m gay, but like not in a way that makes me appealing to homosexuals”. What does that mean you ask? I really have no idea. I just don’t like him. Sorry. No logic needed.

7.) Count Dooku

Okay, so Count Dooku is an old man. But like if you Google “young Christopher Lee” you can see that he was pretty dope when he was younger. And Count Dooku had to be young at some point so let’s just assumed he looked like this. Also, he’s British which makes him hotter by default.

6.) Mace Windu

Finally, a character of color who is actually a human! Mace is kind of cute if you’re into the whole cue-ball look which I’m not really a fan of. He’s also kind of old and kind of mean which are both turn offs, but he has a purple lightsaber which is pretty hot. And Samuel L. Jackson is a bad ass- so he deserves this spot.

5.) Obi Wan Kenobi

Obi Wan would be higher up on this list if his personality wasn’t so dick shriveling. He’s aways uptight and regularly condescending which makes him unappealing. Like we get it Obi, you’re right, so can you please  SHUT THE FUCK UP NOW?! Also, I’m not a huge fan of his beard. It’s just not my thing #sorryboutit

 4.) Darth Maul

FACE IT EVERYONE- Darth Maul is hot! I mean sure he’s not human and now he’s pretty much just a torso- but if you can look past those things you can’t deny how sexy he is. He’s like a sexy Satan with those devil horns and weird tribal markings on his face. If you’re reading this Darth,  you can double light saber me any time.

3.) Qui Gon Jinn

Qui Gon is sexy…in a dad kind of way. He’s smart, confident and bossy, just how I like them! He also has some magnificent hair and is played by Liam Neeson who is the ultimate badass. It’s such a shame he got killed off so early.

2.) Anakin Skywalker

Before I write this one, let’s be clear that I acknowledge that Hayden Christensen is the worst thing about Star Wars a part from Jar Jar Binks. Let me also say that Anakin is a whiny, pessimistic, cocky, annoying, bland Jedi. With that being said…he’s so HOT! He has a six pack, a random facial scar and his whole “I could randomly force choke you at any moment” look is strangely attractive in a Fifty Shades of Grey kind of way. I can only dream I had been in the middle of his sexual encounters with Padme.

1.) Yoda

Yoda is the best character in Star Wars. He’s the only one to see through the bullshit, has the most intense lightsaber duels and is cute as shit. So yes, he deserves spot #1 and yes if I met Yoda I’d let him do weird freaky sex things to me. And yes, I was trying to ruin your childhood just now (*cue you beginning to imagine me engaging in coitus with Yoda)

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Why We Need To Stop Thinking We’re So Special

As the kids of America (whoa), we’re told that with enough hard work and determination that we can become whoever want to be. Our parents encourage us to pursue our passions and remind us on too many occasions of how special we are and how much we have to offer. And then one day we’re expected to know our life calling. Society expects us to have our shit figured out and to fully assimilate without fully understanding how the world around us actually works. We stumble into college majors we know nothing about, only to discover that perhaps it isn’t what we wanted, that is of course after completing too many credits. We reach for internships and jobs we don’t have the personal connections to land and we find ourselves in entry level positions  living just to pay the bills.

The issue with being told that we’re special and important is that we expect our life to be somehow reflective of that. We don’t want to just work an entry level job. We want to be important, we want to have our existence recognized and we want to feel like we’re making our life actually count. But perhaps the sad truth is that we really aren’t that special. Maybe we aren’t meant to be known worldwide or have a Wikipedia page. Maybe we’re just meant to work a safe job, have a family and some close friends and live out our days that way.

It’s impossible for me not to feel as if I have something more to offer the world than some people. Which is an incredibly narcissistic and self obsessed thing to believe, I know. I don’t want to just live and die. I want to live a life of creativity, a life worthy of being remembered. And it’s not enough for me to live a simple life surrounded with people who love me- I need to be recognized. I need to feel like I made an impact beyond just the people I loved. But what scares me is that this is probably something every other American twenty-something thinks and feels. And it’s disheartening to think maybe that little voice inside me that tells me I’m meant to do something much more is just something all American youth have been brainwashed into having.

I dream of many things. I dream of being a TV or film writer. I dream of someday being interviewed by Chelsea Handler for God knows why or walking on a red carpet. I dream of thousands of people reading this blog on a daily basis. And I try, I honestly do, to make my dreams become a reality. But it’s discouraging when you see others stumble into success unintentionally. Like the girl from my town who ended up placing in third on American Idol. I mean of course she was talented, but I can’t help but to think she was somehow lucky to end up in the position that she was in. It’s almost as if success is just one fucked up lottery where certain people end up with a better ticket. And it almost makes me want to give up completely. No matter what success I have, it’ll never compare to the success of others. And I know we’re told not to compare ourselves to others- but let’s be honest, it’s something we all do. It’s just difficult to tell if you’ve come to the point in your life where you need to get over this inflated sense of self and learn to be content with the life you have.

I’m trying to find success within my self. I’m doing my best to be happy with what I have while striving for things that are actually within a realm of possibility. Maybe it’s enough that a few hundred people read my blog a day. Maybe it’s enough to work a “so so” job and live modestly. We only have one life- and it’s better to live an average one than to entirely waste it wishing you had something better. And I’m only 21 years old- I know I have a lot more years to be more cynical about this kind of stuff. So I might as well enjoy what I have while I have it- because it’s only a matter of time before my metabolism switches off and I gain 400 pounds from all of the carbs I eat.

 

 

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4 Rules of Friendship

Adolescence is a breeding ground for unnecessary drama, and I like to think of myself as a no-BS kind of guy. True friendship is one of the greatest treasures in life, but certain friendships aren’t always smooth sailing. Some people insist that there are no rules to friendship, and things that are meant to be will be, but too bad those people are wrong. There are some basic ground rules that I think you learn with age and by the time you’re about 20 years old, they should be intrinsic knowledge that doesn’t ever need to be explicitly stated. If you don’t know the proper way to act by that age, you probably never will. No, I don’t mean rules like “true friends wear matching socks on Tuesdays”, I mean more along the lines of common courtesy and etiquette. For example, “don’t hang out with my boyfriend without me”. Here are my personal “10 Primary Rules of Friendship” that are not only restricted to the younger generation, but that also can apply to people of any age (There are exceptions to every rule of course, but I’ll leave those up to you to decide as you come across them in your everyday life):

1. Don’t make me work

In the words of Wendy Williams, “I love friendship, but I don’t like a lot of maintenance… cuz I’m BUSY!” A friendship should be very easy and straightforward. Why would you willingly spend time with someone who complicates your life or stresses you out? Maybe they gossip about you behind your back, maybe they make snide remarks about your outfits sometimes, or maybe they just complain too much and are total Debbie-downers. Whatever the reason, I don’t have the time to waste on people I don’t enjoy hanging out with. If you’re causing drama in any way, shape, or form, don’t expect me to hang around you for much longer. Which brings me to my second point…

 Friendships change like the seasons.

I am a firm believer that there is a time and a place for every friendship, as well as a reason and a season. As much as our favorite childhood TV shows might choose to disagree, friendships don’t last forever. They come and go, and the sooner you accept that, the happier I think that you will be. Some people are just not good for you. They might have been at one point: you had so much fun going to parties and making bad decisions together during freshman year, but as you got older, your interests have changed and now you don’t seem to click with the same crowd anymore. The nature of every single friendship changes over time. Sometimes it works out, and other times it doesn’t. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with either situation but learning to let go and move on seems to be very difficult for some people to do. I am a firm believer in breaking up with your friends (not unlike with a significant other) if the time comes. Don’t be an ass about it, but don’t beat around the bush either. Tell them the truth (don’t expect them to take it well), and your life will be easier in no time at all once you move on.

Don’t try to save a dying friendship.

There are two main types of dying friendships. The first one is pretty natural: Your interests change over time and you start seeing each other less. It’s not that you dislike each other’s company, but there are just new activities you’d rather be doing and new people you’d rather be hanging out with. The second one involves one or more parties putting a strain on the friendship with their actions. Someone is being selfish, rude, annoying, etc. More people need to learn how to cut toxic people out of their lives, instead of insisting that you can save the friendship and ultimately causing yourself more stress. There is a trend I’ve noticed with young people that involves them trying to keep every friendship they’ve ever had alive. The idea of wanting to hold onto a friendship “for old times sake” or to not hurt anybody’s feelings is so dumb to me. Toxic people do not need to be in any part of your life. Each situation is different, but you will know what I mean when you come across it. If they’re showing their true colors by repeatedly crossing the line with you, then it’s time to dump them and get on with your life. Straighten out your friends, don’t take crap from anyone, and don’t let anyone disrespect you. You deserve better and you have the power to make it happen.

You don’t need to be friends with everyone!

Say it with me: you don’t need to be friends with everyone!!! Why do I have to be friends with you just because you live down the hall from me? Why do I have to be friends with you just because you live with my best friend? Why do I have to be friends with you just because you have never done anything wrong to me? This may sound a little harsh, but I honestly do not want to be friends with everyone. In fact, having too many friends and having to please everyone by being nice all the time sounds really exhausting to me. I used to be one of those people who didn’t ever want anyone to dislike them, but the reality is some people don’t like me, and that’s perfectly okay. There are many people that I don’t like either. I see a lot of people who try to become friends with everyone they meet, which is great, but then they end up not liking some of them. The problem arises when the people whom they don’t like turn out to want to be friends, but they feel obligated to be nice and hang out with them because the precedent was already set.  There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to be friends with someone. It’s great that you don’t want to be an asshole, but if you don’t enjoy somebody’s presence, don’t keep hanging out with him and pretending that you like him. Nobody wants to be seen as rude and insensitive, but your own happiness should be more important than the desire to not hurt anybody else’s feelings. Otherwise, where does that leave you? With one million friends and a frown whenever you see half of them. We all know what it’s like to be on both sides of this situation, and it definitely sucks when someone you want to be friends with doesn’t reciprocate those feelings, but you’re still alive and have hopefully moved on, so was it really that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things?

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Why Coming Out Will Never Be Easy

One of the unforeseeable downsides of homosexuality becoming more socially accepted is that people assume that coming to terms with a minority identity becomes easier. People think that because we come from families who are loving and supporting or a community where being gay has been normalized that it’s possible to automatically accept who we are. And what’s worse- people assume we’re being overdramatic or needy if we make an issue out of our sexuality if they see no reason for us to do so.

The reality of the situation is that being part of the sexual minority will always be something that takes time to adjust to. Being different is often times a hard thing, regardless of whether or not that difference is something accepted. And that’s because none of us really want to be different. We fear that by being different that we’re harder to relate to or more susceptible to ending up alone.  We don’t want to have to sit down and trace how our differences will take us down an alternate life road from the rest of us. To an extent it’s a lot like being assigned to a different teacher than your friends in elementary school- sure the other teacher may be great or even better but you can’t help but feel cheated by being left out.

It took me several years to accept my sexual identity, despite how obvious it may have been to other people. It’s not an overstatement to say I was a feminine kid who had many characteristics that are seem as being “stereotypically gay”. I was clearly very different. And yet- I struggled with being different. I struggled with it because it meant that my future was uncertain. I couldn’t live my life with the whole “go to college, get married, have kids, grow old” mentality. And because such a small section of the population is gay I constantly questioned my own sexual urges. I thought to myself, “There’s a 90% chance that I’m straight. Those are high odds” despite the fact that I clearly wasn’t.  I didn’t want to out myself or call myself something that would separate me from others…especially if I wasn’t even sure.

Sure, things are a lot easier for me than they were from someone growing up in a different time or place. I’m pretty much accepted by most people I meet, though I still get occasional side eye from random people. But I think there will always be something that feels slightly off. I’ll always feel a little out of place when I’m in a place with solely straight people and I’ll feel strange when I’m somewhere with only gays.  It feels a lot like recess where you want to spend time with both your friends from your other class and those from your own.

I sometimes jokingly say that I need to audition for Real World before being gay is no longer considered trendy. It’s strange to imagine a world where being gay is something that neither hinders me or gives me some card to play to get ahead. But unless the number of gay people somehow grows tenfold, we will always be living in a straight world.  Gays will always be different- which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. But coming to terms with being different will never be the easiest thing- no matter what world you think we live in.

 

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